I said goodbye to him last night. For good. I had always thought of myself as a strong woman, capable of anything that life throws my way. But as soon as I said the words and hung up the phone, I started crying and I couldn’t stop. I sat on the edge of the bed, I couldn’t breathe because it hurt too much. I knew I was going to be alright. But it’s going to take a while to get used to not having him in my life.
I hate saying goodbye.
we ended things like the way we started them. with uncertainty. I never did figure out exactly what I meant to him. we never defined what we were to each other, perhaps out of fear that we would see what we had for what it was - a “relationship” as meaningless as it was short-lived. I never knew where I stood with him. because all the late-night phone calls, 3-hour trips back & forth to see each other, the sweet, sentimental gestures, the promise that “things will get better”, & his favorite argument “I don’t wanna lose you”…well, those things mean nothing in the end.
because he never loved me. at least not enough to get past the problems.
& in the end, the problems overcame whatever we felt for each other.
he didn’t say goodbye. neither did I. but I think we’ve been saying goodbye for a long time now, we just didn’t want to say it out loud.
